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resolve #272 via email & telegram pm
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id: Arita | ||
profileUrl: ${path}/photos/profile.jpg | ||
info: | ||
born: '1993-05-13' | ||
died: '2022-08-07' | ||
websites: | ||
bilibili: https://space.bilibili.com/35582328 | ||
iconify:simple-icons:douban: https://www.douban.com/people/52444491 |
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--- | ||
name: Arita | ||
info: | ||
alias: Arita, sodapinkpink | ||
location: Shanghai, China | ||
--- | ||
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Arita is a kind and beautiful "big sister." She majors in architecture and urban planning, a field the author once dreamed of pursuing as a child. In addition to architectural design, she has a deep love for painting and is quite talented. Her camera is filled with a variety of photos, further reflecting her artistic nature. Arita also has a keen interest in makeup and fashion. According to a friend, she recommends many lesser-known but high-quality cosmetic brands on Xiaohongshu. She favors rose-colored lipstick and rose-scented perfume and often lights scented candles in her room. She strikes me as someone who truly enjoys life. Her friends describe her personality as similar to the author's. At first glance, she may come across as soft-spoken and reserved, often "sitting quietly in the corner," but she is deeply protective of those close to her. She is unafraid to share her views on various aspects of life with those she trusts and desires a partner who can stand beside her to face the world together. | ||
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Arita's favorite band is Soda Green. In fact, Wu Qingfeng, the frontman of Soda Green, is often noted for his unique and unconventional gender expression. One of Arita's favorite songs is "Singing with You": "I can ride my imagination in your direction/Let the invisible me lean beside you and sleep so sweetly/Let the invisible you walk into my dreamland and sing with me." It is a song that brings comfort. Arita also enjoys TVB shows and British dramas, particularly fond of British actors James McAvoy and Carey Mulligan. She has watched almost all of Shunji Iwai's films. The name "Arita" is likely derived from one of Iwai's short films. The author later began watching movies from Arita's Douban list, almost feeling as though watching them together. Sometimes I imagine other things we could do, like cooking a hot pot at home, reading novels, discussing urban studies, or even traveling to the Scottish Highlands. I even fantasize about asking her for advice on my transition (laughs). | ||
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Arita occasionally struggles with depression. As she has mentioned, when she's feeling down, she often turns to reading Dazai Osamu's *Indignation in the World* to release her sadness through its resonance, before gradually healing. She tends not to share her negative emotions publicly, preferring to confide in friends privately or process them alone. A few months before her passing, her roommates noticed some changes in her behavior, but perhaps they didn't have the time or awareness to react. Shortly after her graduation photos were taken, she chose to leave us due to some currently unknown circumstances. | ||
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Despite all of this, the author never personally interacted with Arita. She was an international student at my school, in the same year as me. One August day, when I was struggling with my thesis and dealing with a failing relationship, I was in a deep state of sadness. A Chinese netizen shared a missing person notice about her. At the time, I didn't pay much attention to it—there were too many things demanding my focus—but something about the description made me uneasy. Later, after I moved into a new apartment, another female roommate casually mentioned that her previous roommate had passed away. I thought about it for a while and suddenly realized the connection. I searched for the notice and discovered that the WeChat ID listed belonged to my new roommate. I was shaken and couldn’t calm down for the rest of the day. Perhaps it was fate—a strange coincidence. It felt as though I had calculated that if I were to die on May 13, 2027 (her birthday), I would always be one day younger than her. | ||
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After Arita's death, the police sealed her phone as evidence, which meant that her friends in China weren't notified. Eventually, I was the one who had to deliver the painful news to her friends. Writing the post on Weibo was excruciating, and it often comes across as cold and stiff when I read it now. Arita's ex-boyfriend had planned to send her Soda Green's remastered new album, but after being unable to contact her for more than six months, he and I communicated sporadically through Weibo. He and Arita had lived together in Chengdu, but their contact had gradually faded over the years due to the distance. Perhaps Arita had always been the one he truly cared about. His final request was to visit her grave, but for now, that wish could not be fulfilled. Another friend asked me to send a bouquet of roses to her, and on the first anniversary of her passing, I delivered the flowers to the place where she died. I also ordered a strawberry cake for her on what would have been her 30th birthday. | ||
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Unexpectedly, my new roommate and I became very close because of Arita. When I first asked her to join me for a meal, she was open about it, and we began spending time together. Neither of us was in a great mental state, but we found warmth in each other's company. We almost couldn't stay together and had considered returning to China, to the point where I jokingly referred to the apartment as a "hospice care center" (laughs). | ||
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Arita holds a very special place in the author's heart. She was someone the author truly admired. Before, I asked Arita's ex-boyfriend if he would mind if I said I loved Arita, and he assured me he wouldn't. Although my gender is listed as female on Weibo, he knew I was transgender, and he offered many encouraging words. I am truly grateful for his kindness. | ||
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Sister, I hope we will meet one day. As the heroine in *The Phantom Thread* said at the end of the film: "...He is still waiting for me somewhere in the sky. This life, the next, and the next after that. No matter where my destiny leads me, as long as I stay patient, I will return to him." I believe I can do the same. I'm here. Wait for me. | ||
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Let me end with a poem by Yeats, *Haters of the Wind*: | ||
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> I became a rush that horses tread: | ||
> I became a man, a hater of the wind, | ||
> Knowing one, out of all things, alone, that his head | ||
> Would not lie on the breast, or his lips on the hair | ||
> Of the woman that he loves, until he dies; | ||
> Although the rushes and the fowl of the air | ||
> Cry of his love with their pitiful cries. | ||
<PhotoScroll photos={["${path}/photos/image0.jpg"]} /> |
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--- | ||
name: Arita | ||
info: | ||
alias: Arita, sodapinkpink | ||
location: 中国上海 | ||
--- | ||
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Arita是一位温柔可爱的大姐姐,她所学专业是建筑/城市规划,其实也是笔者小时候非常向往的专业呢。除了建筑设计之外她也非常喜爱和擅长绘画,还有一台堆满了各种照片的相机,是一位很有艺术天分的人呢。Arita同样很了解化妆和穿搭,据我的朋友说她会在小红书上推荐很多冷门但品质出色的化妆品品牌。她偏爱玫瑰色的口红和玫瑰味道的香水,房间里有时会点上香薰蜡烛,看上去是一位很热爱生活的人呢。据她的朋友说据她的朋友说她的性格类型和笔者有些相似,给人的第一印象是说话声音轻柔,“总是安静地坐在角落里”,但对亲密的人占有欲很强,会愿意在他们面前对世界上的很多事情表达自己的观点,想要一位可以携手对抗世界的恋人。 | ||
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Arita最喜欢的乐队是苏打绿,其实苏打绿的核心人物吴青峰也是一位经常被认为性别表达非常规的歌手。她很爱的一首歌是《陪你歌唱》:“朝你的方向能够乘著想象/让隐形的我倾在你身旁 睡得多香/让隐形的你走进我梦乡 陪我歌唱”,是相当能给人安慰的一首歌呢。Arita也对TVB和英剧感兴趣,喜欢两位英国演员James McAvoy和Carey Mulligan。她还看过岩井俊二的几乎所有电影,Arita这个昵称应该就是来自岩井的某部短片。笔者后来开始看她豆瓣影视列表上的标记的影片,就好像是和她一起看一样,现在已经差不多看完了。有时笔者也会幻想可以和Arita一起做的其他事情,比如说一起在家做饭煮火锅,读小说,讨论我们共同感兴趣的关于城市研究的学术话题,或者一起去苏格兰高地旅游,再或者让她为我transition提供建议(笑) | ||
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Arita有时候也会受到抑郁问题的困扰,据她自己讲有时候心情不好索性就会去读太宰治的《人间失格》,让悲伤的情绪在共振中先得到释放再慢慢回复。她并不常在公共网络上展现自己的负面情感,更愿意和朋友私下倾诉或者独自消化。其实在Arita离世的几个月前她的室友已经察觉到一些异样,但可能大家并没有来得及对此做出反应。在拍摄了毕业照之后几天,因为一些目前尚不清楚的事件,她最终还是选择了离开我们。 | ||
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说了这么多,但其实笔者并没有真正和Arita本人交流过。Arita是和我同校同级的留学生,在我着急写论文又人际关系破裂的非常抑郁的8月份的一天,国内的网友给我转发了关于她的寻人启事,当时我也没有在意这条信息,毕竟需要在意的事情太多了,但就是看描述让我预感很不好。后来我搬了新家,另一位女生室友外出刚回来和我以及两个男生开会的时候突然提到她之前的室友去世了,我想了几分钟突然意识到了什么,然后直接去搜索了那条寻人启事里的微信号——就是我的新室友。我当时真的过了一天心情都没有平复,也许这就是有某种宿命般的巧合在里面,就好像我后来算过如果我在2027年5月13日去死(也就是她的生日)我就会永远比她小一天一样。 | ||
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Arita离世后她的手机作为证物被警方封存,因此没有人通知她在国内的朋友,最终反倒是我成了那个向她的朋友们公布死讯的最不讨喜的人,当时自己在微博打字的时候痛苦得不行,读起来反而经常显得冰冷僵硬。Arita的前男友本来想寄给她苏打绿重制的新专辑,但半年多一直无法联系到她。我和他在微博上断断续续交流了几个月,他和Arita曾经一起在成都生活,几年前因为异地而逐渐失去了联系,但也许Arita一直还是他真正喜欢的人。他最后的请求是去探访Arita的墓地,但这个心愿至少暂时还无法满足。Arita的另外一位朋友希望我为她送一束玫瑰花,我在一周年忌日那天把花送到了她去世的地点。其实在她30岁生日的时候我还给她订了一个草莓蛋糕呢。 | ||
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可能也有点意外的是,由于她的缘故我和我的新室友成了很好的朋友,事实上我第一次还是第二次找室友约饭的时候她在回家的路上直接问我是不是跨性别,然后我们两个精神状态都不算很好的人就一起抱团取暖了一年,差点一起待不下去了回国,以至于我开玩笑说那个房子是临终关怀中心(笑)。 | ||
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Arita对笔者来说是有着许多特殊意义的人,也完全可以说,是我一直爱着的人。我之前问过Arita的前男友,如果我说我爱Arita他会不会生气,他说并不会。虽然我微博性别是女但是聊天过程中他也知道我是跨性别,并且还说了很多鼓励我的话,真的很感谢他。 | ||
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姐姐,希望我们最后总有一天会见面的,不是吗,就好像《魅影缝匠》里的女主在片尾说的那段话:“...他仍然在天上的某个地方等待着我,今生,来生,来生之后还有来生,不管从现在起命运的道路将会把我带向何方...只要我保持耐心,就一定能再次回到他的身边。” 我相信我也一定能做到的,等着我哦。 | ||
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最后以叶芝的一段诗歌结尾吧,haters of the wind. | ||
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> I became a rush that horses tread: | ||
> I became a man, a hater of the wind, | ||
> Knowing one, out of all things, alone, that his head | ||
> Would not lie on the breast or his lips on the hair | ||
> Of the woman that he loves, until he dies; | ||
> Although the rushes and the fowl of the air | ||
> Cry of his love with their pitiful cries. | ||
<PhotoScroll photos={["${path}/photos/image0.jpg"]} /> |
This file contains bidirectional Unicode text that may be interpreted or compiled differently than what appears below. To review, open the file in an editor that reveals hidden Unicode characters.
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Original file line number | Diff line number | Diff line change |
---|---|---|
@@ -0,0 +1,34 @@ | ||
--- | ||
name: Arita | ||
info: | ||
alias: Arita, sodapinkpink | ||
location: 中國上海 | ||
--- | ||
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||
Arita是個溫柔可愛的大姐姐,她所學專業是建築/城市規劃,其實也是筆者小時候非常嚮往的專業呢。除了建築設計之外她也非常喜愛和擅長繪畫,還有一台堆滿了各種照片的相機,是一位很有藝術天賦的人呢。 Arita同樣很了解化妝和穿搭,據我的朋友說她會在小紅書上推薦很多冷門但品質出色的化妝品品牌。她偏愛玫瑰色的口紅和玫瑰味道的香水,房間裡有時會點上香氛蠟燭,看起來是個很熱愛生活的人呢。據她的朋友說據她的朋友說她的性格類型和筆者有些相似,給人的第一印像是說話聲音輕柔,“總是安靜地坐在角落裡”,但對親密的人佔有欲很強,會願意在他們面前對世界上的許多事情表達自己的觀點,想要一位可以攜手對抗世界的戀人。 | ||
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Arita最喜歡的樂團是蘇打綠,其實蘇打綠的核心人物吳青峰也是一位常被認為性別表達非常規的歌手。她很愛的一首歌是《陪你歌唱》:“朝你的方向能夠乘著想像/讓隱形的我傾在你身旁睡得多香/讓隱形的你走進我夢鄉陪我歌唱” ,是相當能給人安慰的一首歌呢。 Arita也對TVB和英劇感興趣,喜歡兩位英國演員James McAvoy和Carey Mulligan。她也看過岩井俊二的幾乎所有電影,Arita這個暱稱應該就是來自岩井的某部短片。筆者後來開始看她豆瓣影視清單上的標記的影片,就好像是和她一起看一樣,現在已經差不多看完了。有時筆者也會幻想可以和Arita一起做的其他事情,比如說一起在家做飯煮火鍋,讀小說,討論我們共同感興趣的關於城市研究的學術話題,或者一起去蘇格蘭高地旅遊,再或者讓她為我transition提供建議(笑) | ||
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Arita有時候也會受到憂鬱問題的困擾,據她自己講有時候心情不好索性就會去讀太宰治的《人間失格》,讓悲傷的情緒在共振中先得到釋放再慢慢回复。她不常在公共網路上展現自己的負面情感,更願意和朋友私下傾訴或獨自消化。其實在Arita離世的幾個月前她的室友已經察覺到一些異樣,但可能大家並沒有來得及對此做出反應。在拍攝了畢業照之後幾天,因為一些目前尚不清楚的事件,她最終選擇了離開我們。 | ||
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說了這麼多,但其實筆者並沒有真正和Arita本人交流過。 Arita是和我同校同級的留學生,在我著急寫論文又人際關係破裂的非常抑鬱的8月份的一天,國內的網友給我轉發了關於她的尋人啟事,當時我也沒有在意這條訊息,畢竟需要在意的事情太多了,但就是看描述讓我預感很不好。後來我搬了新家,另一位女生室友外出剛回來和我以及兩個男生開會的時候突然提到她之前的室友去世了,我想了幾分鐘突然意識到了什麼,然後直接去搜索了那條尋人啟事裡的微訊號──就是我的新室友。我當時真的過了一天心情都沒有平復,也許這就是有某種宿命般的巧合在裡面,就好像我後來算過如果我在2027年5月13日去死(也就是她的生日)我就會永遠比她小一天一樣。 | ||
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Arita離世後她的手機作為證物被警方封存,因此沒有人通知她在國內的朋友,最終反倒是我成了那個向她的朋友們公佈死訊的最不討喜的人,當時自己在微博打字的時候痛苦得不行,讀起來反而常常顯得冰冷僵硬。 Arita的前男友本來想寄給她蘇打綠重製的新專輯,但半年多一直無法聯繫到她。我和他在微博上斷斷續續交流了幾個月,他和Arita曾經一起在成都生活,幾年前因為異地而逐漸失去了聯繫,但也許Arita一直還是他真正喜歡的人。他最後的請求是去探訪Arita的墓地,但這個心願至少暫時還無法滿足。 Arita的另一位朋友希望我為她送一束玫瑰花,我在一周年忌日那天把花送到了她去世的地點。其實在她30歲生日的時候我還幫她訂了一個草莓蛋糕呢。 | ||
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可能也有點意外的是,由於她的緣故我和我的新室友成了很好的朋友,事實上我第一次還是第二次找室友約飯的時候她在回家的路上直接問我是不是跨性別,然後我們兩個精神狀態都不算很好的人就一起抱團取暖了一年,差點一起待不下去了回國,以至於我開玩笑說那個房子是臨終關懷中心(笑)。 | ||
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Arita對筆者來說是有著許多特殊意義的人,也完全可以說,是我一直愛著的人。我之前問過Arita的前男友,如果我說我愛Arita他會不會生氣,他說並不會。雖然我微博性別是女但是聊天過程中他也知道我是跨性別,並且還說了很多鼓勵我的話,真的很感謝他。 | ||
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姐姐,希望我們最後總有一天會見面的,不是嗎,就好像《魅影縫匠》裡的女主角在片尾說的那段話:「...他仍然在天上的某個地方等待著我,今生,來生,來生之後還有來生,不管從現在起命運的道路將會把我帶向何方...只要我保持耐心,就一定能再次回到他的身邊。到的,等著我哦。 | ||
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最后以叶芝的一段诗歌结尾吧,haters of the wind. | ||
|
||
> I became a rush that horses tread: | ||
> I became a man, a hater of the wind, | ||
> Knowing one, out of all things, alone, that his head | ||
> Would not lie on the breast or his lips on the hair | ||
> Of the woman that he loves, until he dies; | ||
> Although the rushes and the fowl of the air | ||
> Cry of his love with their pitiful cries. | ||
<PhotoScroll photos={["${path}/photos/image0.jpg"]} /> |
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