Feedback - v220419 - Chapter 2

[edzob]

Chapter 2.0

1. “This chapter describes the core concepts of the research. These concepts are the public sector, Enterprise Architecture, and antifragile. The concepts often make use, contain or refer to the concept system. This chapter will also describe the concept of system” → rephrase to a storyline.

Chapter 2.1

1. “The used concepts public sector, EA, and antifragile are using the concept system” This sentence is more a note to yourself then a logical sentence for the reader. I also struggled a many iterations how to construct a nice story line to start with system.
2. “Mentions some of them like” not a strong statement. Does not make sence for a blanco reader. It more a summary of the article as a mental note.
3. “Mannaert et al. (2016, p. 13) isolates a part of reality in which we are interested and calls that a system“ -> not a strong statement for a reader that does not know the article/book.
4. See overall statement on writing style.
5. “An open system is a system that exchanges matter with its environment (Bertalanffy, 1968, p. 32), as where a closed system is considered to be isolated from its environment (Bertalanffy, 1968, p. 39).“ → example of a better style
6. “Gharajedaghi (2011, p. 29) defined five principles to define the characteristics and assumptions about the behaviour of a system. These principles are building blocks of a mental model to understand systems. The first principle Openness” → Help the reader.. First write what you want to convey , then add details (add the 5) then reference.
7. “. Counterintuitive behaviour is the last principle” → “Counterintuitive behaviour is the fifth and last principle” or something along the lines
8. “International Council on Systems Engineering (2018) defines a SoS as a collection of independent systems integrated into a larger system that delivers unique capabilities. ‘ -> Not true. They have a publication that states….
9. “The Body of Knowledge (BoK) is in agreement that the concept of ecosystems in the field of ecology was defined by Tansley (1935). “ → Not true :) does it, or is this your statement?

Chapter 2.2 Antifragile

1. “. The framework consists out of 4 main principles:” -> Integers below 10 in letters.
2. “The framework consists out of 4 main principles:” -> when you number the elements use a enumerate as list. (also later in same section)
3. Merge error “ ”Define antifragility as a property of a system” (Jaaron & Backhouse, 2014). Kastner (2017) created a framework for designing an antifragile organisation: Antifragile Organisation Design Framework. The framework consists out of 4 main principles:“ komt twee keer voor
4. “Botjes (2020) has conducted literature research for his master project” -> rephrase to IEEE reference. Geldt voor hele paragraaf.