memes.py

import discord
from discord.ext import commands as bot
import os, random, re, asyncio

class Memes(bot.Cog):
    """only the dankest"""

    def __init__(self, bot):
        self.bot = bot

    @bot.command()
    async def reply(self, ctx):
        """r e p l y s o o n"""
        await ctx.send("reply :soon: :smile:")

    @bot.command()
    async def whattime(self, ctx):
        """tells the time"""
        await ctx.send("`it's tiki time`")
        # await asyncio.sleep(1)
        await ctx.send(file=discord.File("tiki.gif"))

    @bot.command()
    async def orbit(self, ctx):
        """my tiki's"""
        await ctx.send(file=discord.File("Tikis_in_orbit.png"))

    @bot.command()
    async def writing(self, ctx):
        """get it in writing. in blood."""
        await ctx.send(file=discord.File("Pelleass_Blood_Pact.png"))

    @bot.command(aliases=["wtf"])
    async def wtfdyjfsamylb(self, ctx):
        """what the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little bitch"""
        await ctx.send("""```
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the FE University, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Serenes Forest, and I have over 300 confirmed hacks. I am trained in donating to hex and I’m the top debugger in the entire FE Shrine. You are nothing to me but just another breakpoint. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on an ARMv7TDMI, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of backups across the ROM and your link register is being traced right now so you better prepare for the screech, fleshling. The death screech that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your reskin. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can crash your rom in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with FEditor. Not only am I extensively trained in Nightmare, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Unified FE Hacking Doc and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable map sprite off the face of Magvel, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit Erin all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
```""")

    @bot.command(aliases=["ma???a"])
    async def ma___a(self, ctx):
        """what IS her name anyway"""
        letters = [x for x in "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwyxz"]
        consonants = [x for x in "bcdfghjklmnpqrstvwxz"]
        vowels = [x for x in "aeiouy"]
        infix = random.choice(consonants) + random.choice(letters) + random.choice(vowels)
        await ctx.send("I think you mean Ma"+infix+"a!")

    @bot.command()
    async def evil(self, ctx, *args):
        """Sub-humans."""
        if len(args) > 0:
            thing = ' '.join(args)
            plural = thing[-1] == 's' #TODO: use inflect
            formatString = '''```\n{1} {0} evil.\n{1} {0} the enemy.\n{1} must be eradicated.```'''
            verb = "are" if plural else "is"
            await ctx.send(formatString.format(verb, thing))
        else:
            await ctx.send("You gotta tell me **what's** evil!")


    @bot.command()
    async def arch(self, ctx):
        """do something with arch"""
        direction = random.choice([":arrow_down:", ":arrow_up:"])
        await ctx.send(direction+" with <:arch_mini:230160993299202068>")
		
    @bot.command()
    async def colorz(self, ctx):
        """do something with colorz"""
        direction = random.choice([":arrow_down:", ":arrow_up:"])
        await ctx.send(direction+" with <:colorz:230159530158194688>")


    @bot.command()
    async def style(self, ctx):
        """if my style gets in your way"""
        img = random.choice(["styleRD.gif", "stylePoR.jpeg"])
        await ctx.send(file=discord.File(img))

    @bot.command()
    async def goofs(self, ctx):
        """list goofs"""
        filenameslist = [os.path.splitext(f)[0] for f in os.listdir("./goofs")]
        await ctx.send("```"+"\n".join(map(str, filenameslist))+"```")

    @bot.command()
    async def goof(self, ctx, *args):
        """show goof"""
        requested = args
        gooflist = {a.lower(): a for a in os.listdir("./goofs")}
        if len(requested) != 0:
            maxgoofs = 5
            for request in requested:
                if maxgoofs == 0: return
                else: maxgoofs -= 1
                file_extension_or_not_pattern = re.compile('(\.[a-z]+)?$', re.I | re.M)
                found = False
                for extension in ['.png', '.jpg', '.gif', '.jpeg']:
                    request_file = file_extension_or_not_pattern.sub(extension, request).lower()
                    if request_file in gooflist:
                        found = True
                        await ctx.send(file=discord.File("./goofs/"+gooflist[request_file]))
                if not found:
                    await ctx.send("Use >>goofs to see a list of accepted goofs.")
        else:
            await ctx.send(file=discord.File("./goofs/"+random.choice([a for a in gooflist.values()])))

    @bot.command()
    async def whois(self, ctx, *args):
        """roy is our boy"""
        if len(args) > 0:
            lord = ' '.join(args)
            if (lord.lower() in ['circles','circleseverywhere']):
                await ctx.send(lord + " is my dad")
                return
            elif (lord.lower() == 'feditor'):
                await ctx.send("`" + lord + " a shit`")
                return
            elif (lord.lower() == 'feubot'):
                await ctx.send("That's me, silly!")
                return
            elif (lord.lower() == 'ea'):
                await ctx.send("`" + lord + " is our bae`")
                return
            elif (lord.lower() in ['bm', 'blackmage', 'black mage']):
                await ctx.send(file=discord.File("BMis.gif"))
                return
            elif lord[0].lower() in 'bcdfghjklmnpqrstvwxz':
                blord = 'b'+lord[1:]
            else:
                blord = 'b'+lord
            await ctx.send(lord + " is our " + blord)

    @bot.command()
    async def createwaifu(self, ctx, *args):
        """:wink:"""
        heads = [
            "<:zigludo:252132877678936064>", 
            "<:zahlman:230166256412655616>", 
            "<:narcian:271805925017387008>", 
            "<:marf:230171669635923968>", 
            "<:lloydwut:313590046978605059>", 
            "<:linde:325036388833558539>", 
            "<:lilina:230156179916062720>", 
            "<:kent:232283653642780672>", 
            "<:kaga:293121861905022976>", 
            "<:ick:280744571640610816>", 
            "<:florina:230904896067469312>", 
            "<:FEU:230151584846184448>", 
            "<:fa:303774076252454912>", 
            "<:elise:235616193065517066>", 
            "<:eliwood:232283812938121217>", 
            "<:elbert:232283825974149120>", 
            "<:dootthunk:339479700147798016>",  
            "<:doot:324593825815461889>", 
            "<:donate:230166446146191362>", 
            "<:doc:280527122802540544>", 
            "<:colorz:230159530158194688>", 
            "<:circles:238177111418863617>", 
            "<:celica:272027128231362571>", 
            "<:BBQ:230169373694885888>", 
            "<:arch_mini:230160993299202068>", 
            "<:camthumb:307559627573428224>", 
            "<:dat:292422389197701121>", 
            "<:thighs:294965155819683840>"]
        if len(args) > 0: head = ' '.join(args)
        else: head = random.choice(heads)
        await ctx.send(head + """
<:personality:902077101627289630>
<:thighs:294965155819683840>""")

    @bot.command()
    async def doot(self, ctx):
        """doot doot"""
        flip = random.choice([0,1])
        if flip ==1:
            await ctx.send("""<:doot:324593825815461889> <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: :trumpet: :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: :trumpet: :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> <:doot:324593825815461889> <:doot:324593825815461889>
<:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet:
<:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet:
<:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet:
<:doot:324593825815461889> <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: :trumpet: :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: :trumpet: :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet: :trumpet: :trumpet: <:doot:324593825815461889> :trumpet:""")
        else:
            await ctx.send(file=discord.File("./DOOT.png"))

    @bot.command(aliases=["(lol"])
    async def lol(self, ctx):
        """(lol"""
        flip = random.choice([0,1])
        if flip==1: await ctx.send(file=discord.File("./Water_lol.png"))
        else: await ctx.send(file=discord.File("./Water_lol2.png"))

    @bot.command(aliases=["eventassembler", "everythingassembler"])
    async def ea(self, ctx):
        """EVERYTHING ASSEMBLER"""
        everythingassemblerstring = """``` _____                 _   _   _
|   __|_ _ ___ ___ _ _| |_| |_|_|___ ___
|   __| | | -_|  _| | |  _|   | |   | . |
|_____|\_/|___|_| |_  |_| |_|_|_|_|_|_  |
                  |___|             |___|
 _____                   _   _
|  _  |___ ___ ___ _____| |_| |___ ___
|     |_ -|_ -| -_|     | . | | -_|  _|
|__|__|___|___|___|_|_|_|___|_|___|_|```"""
        await ctx.send(everythingassemblerstring)

    @bot.command()
    async def casual(self, ctx):
        """just play phoenix"""
        barflist = os.listdir("./casual")
        await ctx.send(file=discord.File("./casual/"+random.choice(barflist)))

    @bot.command()
    async def erin(self, ctx):
        """ERIN INTENSIFIES"""
        await ctx.send(file=discord.File("./erinyous.gif"))

    @bot.command()
    async def slow(self, ctx):
        """It's what I ain't."""
        await ctx.send(file=discord.File("./slow.png"))

    @bot.command()
    async def fury(self, ctx):
        """2 FAST 2 FURYOUS"""
        await ctx.send("Don't you mean `>>erin`?")

    @bot.command(aliases=["SOA", 'SoA'])
    async def soa(self, ctx):
        """there's your problem"""
        await ctx.send(file=discord.File("./SoA.png"))

    @bot.command()
    async def hard(self, ctx):
        """HARD"""
        await ctx.send(file=discord.File("./hard.png"))

    #TODO: HUBBA TESTER
    @bot.command()
    async def hubba(self, ctx, person1, person2):
        """discover their true feelings"""
        best_responses = ("About to swoon","Always staring","Carries a torch for","Desires attention","Devoted","Drawn by destiny","Drools openly","Fatal attraction","First love","Has a sweet spot","Head over heels","Heart aflutter","Infatuated","Lives and dies for","Loins afire","Lost in pheromones","Lovey Dovey","Never wants to part","One-track mind","Possessive","Puts on a pedestal","Separation anxiety","Smitten","True love","True sacrificer","Uses pet names","Wants to snuggle","Way too attached","Would give anything","Would hold hands")
        good_responses = ("Admires lifestyle","Always entertained","Best friend","Budding friendship","Comrade","Confessor","Easy to joke with","Feels safe","Finds agreeable","Fun to train with","Good friend","Into the same foods","Like minded","Low maintenance","Not a dull moment","On the same page","Relaxed around","Same wavelength","Sees potential","Shopping buddy","Similar hobbies","Sparring partner","Thinks highly of","Total respect","Totally platonic","Trusts implicitly","Ultimate duo")
        bad_responses = ("Avoids eye contact","Awkward","Bad chemistry","Bad teamwork","Cold shoulder","Dislikes","Dreads meeting","Expects betrayal","Fashion disaster","Feigns friendship","Finds freaky","Finds irritating","Friend zone","Indifferent","Intimidated","Into different things","Keeping a distance","No ear for music","Not interested","Not into the hair","Nothing in common","Nothing to say","On eggshells","Oil and water","Out of whack","Touch-and-go","Utterly baffled","Weirded Out")
        response_types = (best_responses, good_responses, bad_responses)

        mutual_best = ("Get a room, you two!",)
        best_good = ("Just spit it out, lovebird!",)
        best_bad = ("Unrequited love? Boring!",)
        mutual_good = ("My, they do get along nicely.",)
        good_bad = ("Oh dear. They just don't mix.",)
        mutual_bad = ("Two rocks'd hit it off better.",)
        reaction_types = (mutual_best, best_good, best_bad, mutual_good, good_bad, mutual_bad)

        ltr_type = random.choice(response_types)
        ltr = random.choice(ltr_type)
        rtl_type = random.choice(response_types)
        rtl = random.choice(rtl_type)
        if ltr_type==best_responses:
            if rtl_type==best_responses: reaction_type = mutual_best
            elif rtl_type==good_responses: reaction_type = best_good
            elif rtl_type==bad_responses: reaction_type = best_bad
        elif ltr_type==good_responses:
            if rtl_type==best_responses: reaction_type = best_good
            elif rtl_type==good_responses: reaction_type = mutual_good
            elif rtl_type==bad_responses: reaction_type = good_bad
        elif ltr_type==bad_responses:
            if rtl_type==best_responses: reaction_type = best_bad
            elif rtl_type==good_responses: reaction_type = good_bad
            elif rtl_type==bad_responses: reaction_type = mutual_bad

        reaction = random.choice(reaction_type)
        msg = """{person1} `--{ltr}->` {person2}
{person1} `<-{rtl}--` {person2}```
{reaction}```""".format(person1=person1,person2=person2,ltr=ltr,rtl=rtl,reaction=reaction)
        await ctx.send(msg)

async def setup(bot):
    await bot.add_cog(Memes(bot))